Festivities and Home

 

The very first memories of Ganesh chaturthi I have are from a place near my home. A small 1 BHK flat where all the relatives gathered around to celebrate Ganesh utsav. Our home was near this place but I preferred staying in that cramped place because somehow it felt cozier with all people around. After the family worshipped Ganpati was shifted to Mumbai I remember desperately waiting for Ganpati every year so that I could meet all my relatives in one place. I have fond memories of helping (rather disturbing) my most favourite aunty in her kitchen, making modaks and patolyas, sitting and chatting with all aunties and cousins. My most favourite place in the world is my kitchen and hence it’s not surprising that I would prefer keeping all the aunties company in kitchen helping them cook rather than go out and play with others of my age. I loved trying my hands at drawing horrible rangolis (still not good at it) and serving food to all, and prided myself whenever someone called me perfect little housewife in making (career bug had yet to bite me). When Ganpati bappa was set up in the makhar and the abhishek would start, I loved sitting in front, sometimes trying to repeat atharvashirsha or just watch the abhishek, eyes filled with awe towards the Ganpati murti that would seem like it’s coming to life as the puja proceeded. My father and I have always said that the realest part of murti is its eyes, somehow the eyes feel like they shine once the pran pratistha is completed. I would spend the next few hours praying hard near god to fulfill all my childish dreams (which may or may not have included me asking bappa to gift me a whole big makeup set and fair skin tone).

Afternoons were spent preparing the Prasad thali and getting ready for afternoon puja. I was quite different back then, never liked getting ready or wearing fancy clothes (my parents’ bank account would love for me to time travel), but my favourite aunty always made sure that she dressed me up and put on some of her makeup on me. Today when I look back, I realize how much I must have troubled her, spoiling her fancy lipstick using it as a pen and raiding her drawer, taking out things. Fortunately, she had lots of patience, and she let me to do it, patiently answering my queries and letting me destroy her makeup. I never really think of my future but if god makes me an aunt someday, I hope I become one like her, self-assured, confident, caring and compassionate. Out of all she was my favourite and even though we didn’t really get to bond after my teenage years, her absence is felt every time I listen to people talk about their aunts and I miss her a little extra during Ganpati times.

When I thought of writing this blog, I was clear that I would like to mention about the festival back home and in Mumbai and Pune but as I actually write this, I realize that I was truly thoroughly happy during that time. Well except the visarjan day of course when I cry my eyes out because how can anyone stand watching silently while bappa just disappears in front of our eyes. Though people say even this is his way of teaching us, to happily let go of things and people, knowing that he will return within a year, and that a little distance is necessary to bring out the sweetness of reuniting. There was one particular visarjan that I remember clearly, as though it happened yesterday. All my relatives and me were doing the final aarti of bappa before immersing the idol in water, I stood there praying for some childish things that felt like the world to me that time, I was miffed about some little issue and being cranky. And then we noticed small beggar boys walking nearby, one of them was going through the big dustbin, picked up a half-eaten guava and started eating it. This was almost my first brush with reality that life isn’t fair and it isn’t the same for all. He was asked to throw it and given different food to eat. But that scene stayed in my mind for a long time, back home I hugged my parents for a long time sending silent gratitude to god for blessing me with this life, apologizing for taking everything for granted and praying for well-being. I wish I could convey this all to them in the moment (displaying emotions isn’t my forte). Even today when I become desperate or start badmouthing of my life, scenes of that little boy flash in front of my eyes, instantly making me feel grateful.

As I grow older, I realize that festivities have no meaning if you aren’t with your own people to celebrate it with. Even the most vibrant of the festivals feels dull without family. I spent en number of festivals in Pune, away from my hometown but never felt like Iam missing out on anything because Pune truly feels like a second home to me, this lovely city welcomed me and has grown on me over the years. Even then I was surrounded by my friends that turned into my family and never let me miss my people. This year, Iam happy as the festival approaches but with an unfamiliar ache in my heart that Iam truly away from my people, I don’t have my friends besides me to make me forget about my hometown. I guess every person who has to start anew in an unknown city, without any friends or familiarity goes through this pain, of seeing people enjoy the festivities, while subconsciously hiding oneself in the shadows, wishing desperately for some warmth, while only seeing strangers around. The strangeness of the place, people and surroundings is more daunting when there’s nobody around to cheer up. And during these moments I miss all my friends from Pune little more, because for the first time in my life (it’s not like I didn’t know anyone in my hometown, but I learn about real friendship only when I came to Pune), they made me realize that though I am an introvert at heart (might have guessed by now, the way I rant on in my blog), I truly turn into my happiest self when Iam around them.

I know some of my friends who are currently away from their homes too (special mention for my good friend who is the farthest of all, in UK), staying in strange places, know that you aren’t alone. Whenever I see a group of friends chilling outside, I always think of you guys, our nonsense time pass and over the top laughter brings a smile on my face as Iam sure it does to you.