In the World of a Hopeless Romantic

 

I have been a hopeless romantic my whole life. Well, 27 years isn’t whole life but I did start grasping the concept of romance and love by the time I was 8 or 9 years old. So two decades since, I have read about it, talked about it, thought of it, and yearned for it. It started with Titanic. I watched the movie when I was 8 years old. And since then, the rose-tinted (no pun intended) glasses remain. Now, every time I hear the tune play, my mind is transported back to Jack and Rose and their shenanigans on the ill-fated ship. Be it the ship’s stern scene, the sketching of Heart of the Ocean or Rose’s jumping from rescue ship to be back with Jack and the last grand staircase scene. Its forever etched in my mind. 

One thing about reading a lot of books and watching these movies is that, it shapes your perception of such sweet concepts in a positive way that is not compatible with the real world. Especially the Disney movies spoilt me and have forever heightened my expectations. Be it Thomas O Malley from Aristocats who falls for the Duchess and doesn’t leave a single chance to praise her for her beauty, while stepping up as a father figure to her kittens. Or there’s the Beast who gifts the entire library to Belle. Talking of Beauty and the Beast, its my favorite fairytale. One, because our protagonist is a reader, she lives in the world of books. She is stubborn, well read and imaginative. Well, isn’t love about being your true version and never having to pretend.

Iam a big lover of Rom Coms and have absolutely watched and rewatched the fluffy comfortable movies of Pretty woman, The Holiday, 26 Dresses, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Notting Hill and How to lose a Man in 10 days. I love everything about these movies. May it be the unrealistically handsome men and the headstrong independent female leads, their meet cutes, small city vibes, love at first sights, bickering starts to cute ends, or many of the times the Christmas backdrop that adds it own charm to the city.

Having grown up with such movies and also books (yes, my favorite genre is thrillers and mysteries but there is a soft side to me you know), its hard to seek it in the real world. In a world where there are no Thomas O Malley’s. Where everything is a transaction. There is a language of give and take and equalizing it, losing the essence of something pure, something sacred. In real world, I am yet to come across a man who compliments me that makes me feel beautiful inside out. To shyly study my habits and the structure of my shape, and to reflect the light of enthusiasm in my eyes. I am yet to come across someone who will bring all those books and movies to reality, not the scenes but the sentiments behind it. To make me feel like Iam the Queen even on my worst days when I don’t feel like facing the world with my ugly face and to be my anchor when my mind starts gathering a storm. I am yet to come across someone, to build a life with. And by life I not only mean the material life, the cozy nest. But a traveler in the spiritual realm where I can be his strength, and peace. To hold onto each other on the best and the worst days, being each other’s lighthouse.

Considering my ideals and ideas, sometimes I wonder if I would end up to be Kate from The Viscount who Loved Me. But then Kate actually got the best Bridgerton brother, who loves her like she is his breathe. It was a perfect tale, and out of all 8 Bridgerton sibling’s, Anthony’s is my favorite story. The typical elder daughter of the house meets the elder son and they together grow past their childhood traumas and inhibitions, making a cozy little life for themselves. The way the author depicts his longing and heart wrenching yearning for her, makes me keep my book down and sigh, a deep meaningful sigh wondering if there’s someone out there who will ever yearn for me that way, who will act like I am the reason he believes in love. If there’s someone who will note the slightest change in my talks and look at me like I am the "Bane of his Existence and the Object of all his Desires". 

So, then I feel more sympathetic towards Elizabeth Bennet’s friend who talks about being 28, a spinster with no money and prospects. Maybe I can start using that line from next year. I mean I visualize myself as the Madame from Aristocats, living all alone with her cats in the 70s. Because no matter how much ever I yearn or shy, there is no lowering of standards. I would rather wait for the perfectly imperfely matched man for me rather than compromise on my ideals. Like a swan, even if it does sound cliché, I believe in the concept of one true love. A person can fall in love or get attached any number of times, based on different perspectives but there’s the one connection that transcends human verse, it is on another plane, shaped up in the universe. Call it a soul mate, call it a twin flame or a soul connection, it exists. And the old school lover in me, knows, rather than believes that there is someone out there, with the connection of lifetimes. Not a time pass for a few days or a few months, but of several different eras and timelines. And until I find that soul stirring, sacred bond, Iam happily and contently single, away from the humdrum of dating chaos.

Even so, sometimes the 8-year-old me who was absolutely sure that a Prince Charming would arrive and whisk me away on a horse for a happily ever after, doubts whether there are any happily ever after. The child me who dreamt of a proposal in rain and near a beach or mountain side, wonders if its really meant for me. As a kid I often dreamt of such scenario. Pouring rain as backdrop and with the sweet wafts of hot coffee or tea in the nearby small café, with the lightening somewhere far, my own Mr. Darcy walking towards me, offering me the light pink roses and a promise of Forever.

Now, as an adult with real life standing firmly besides, I don’t see that happening to me. Rather I have accepted that some things aren’t always mean to be. Some are born to experience it, some are born to yearn for it and some are born to write on it. And I am doing my role here, writing about it with all the ink that my heart offers.